Sunday 31 May 2015

Nothing



I, the most perfect syllable in the world.
It encapsulates me and all that is mine
And all that I perceive or have perceived,
All that I encountered or experienced, the
Totality of my existence and its meaning
To me and the ripples of its influence, little
Or large, on the world around it, completely
Ensconced within this one tiny utterance
That takes a fragment of a moment to
Attain its meaning in its full complexity
That mocks at any naive attempt on the
Part of the "Categorizers" to encumber it
With a fixed definition or to decipher its
Ever variable, ever evolving, ever fluid
Semantics. Definition may bring solace
To the rationalists, but it brings not Truth.

This variety, this microcosm of nature
Itself, this mini world, mini existence,
This miniature model of the universe
That, expanding and evolving with time,
Eventually and inevitably heads with grim
Determination and conviction towards its
Own demise, subconsciously apes those
Selfsame laws of existence that Man has
Consciously sought to fathom from the
Very beginning of time. Thus I, just I and
Nothing else, am sufficient in myself to
Present to you the secrets of life and the
Laws of the universe. I hold within me the
Treasure Troves of knowledge that men
Of learning have searched for eternally.
If you wish to understand all of Life, it
Will suffice thee to fully understand me.

I, in my profundity, am then surrounded,
Acted upon, influenced, taught, revered,
Reacted to, resisted, followed, uplifted,
Oppressed, understood, misunderstood
By a deluge of other I's. Each one of them
As stunning in the sheer variety and range
Of their thoughts, emotions, resolutions,
Ambitions and most importantly, of their
Shortcomings as the next.. Each individual
Produces a lasting and unalterable effect
That goes down in history, whether recorded
By us or not, through their effect on the world
And the reciprocal effect of the world on them.

To this concatenation of perplexity is added
The phenomena of Creation. I’s that are in
Themselves complete, then create in their
Own image, smaller imperfect versions of
Themselves. Imperfect and incomplete, yet
Perfectly malleable and fertile, so that with
Willing and skillful labour, they may develop
Into respectable representatives of the I’s.
Thus the I is now capable of gifting itself
A form of immortality, ensuring the existence
Of the concept, freeing it from the bounds of
Degradation and imbibing the regenerative
Tendencies that annihilate the limitations
That physical existence places upon it.

Creation, unsatisfied with the arduous
Nature of the task of achieving perfection,
Then resorts to another leap forward by
Creating, in complete and complex fullness,
The conception of a “Perfect I”. This being
Does not require a physical representation,
A body, an entity, to give it shape or form.
This I exists solely in the Platonic “Ideal”,
The imagination of each individual I gives it
Its own colorations, its own magnificence
And its own hidden follies. This I is truly
Indestructible because it does not possess
Tangibility. It is Ethereal, it is ephemeral.
It is, appropriately, referred to as Divine.

And yet, step away from it for a moment.
Step further away, still further, till the
Entire expanse that is I in all its various
Apparitions seems to be a mere speck on
The horizon of space. What does it look
Like to you then? What significance does
The variety, the complexity, the summulae
Of the entire occurrence, existence and
Evolution of being have in the context of
The Universe? Every deed that resulted
In an achievement or in failure, in progress
Or in atavism, in the attainment of wisdom
Or in the folly of destruction, in creating
Order or enhancing chaos, in raising Life
Towards salvation or in its descent into the
Abyss, every one of these deeds can be
Confined to the minuscule boundaries of a
Sphere that the Wise Man once called,
in inimitable simplicity, “The Pale Blue Dot.”

Outside this sphere, the Universe still
Expands, oblivious to the existence and
Vain struggle for significance that takes
Place eternally in one of its most remote
And obscure recesses. Outside this sphere,
Worlds come into existence and annihilate
With unassuming regularity and nonchalance,
Not assigning any higher meaning to their
Fates, simply carrying out the events that
Must occur that the Universe may still exist.

What, then, is this “I”? Of what account is
It, with its claims to immortality and its bold
Creation of Perfection? If it strives with all
Its might, with all the unified intensity of a
Multitude of single mind, with all the power
That accompanies its virtues and all the terror
That accompanies its flaws, will it be able to
Create even a tiny blot on the fabric of being?
Can it, for all its progress and profundity,
Create a disturbance, even imperceptible,
But enough to create a few ripples on the
Seemingly impervious structure of the Universe?

The answer is a resounding “No”. The I, with its
Miniatures and its Gods, with its tales and fables
And its structures and monuments and its ideas
And ideologies and its greatness and its pettiness,
Cannot muster up enough of an impact to serve
Notice to the Universe that it exists and that it
Deserves recognition. It is a parasite so toothless
That its host is not in the least affected by its
Parasitism, while it is completely at the mercy of
Any passing whim or fancy of the host. Its self
proclaimed delusions of grandeur are a mockery,
The same mockery that ignorants aim at those
They cannot understand, the mockery that is
Borne not out of superiority, but out of fear.

Thus, seen on a universal scale, the I, the
Embodiment of Perfection, the pinnacle
Of evolution, the epitome of progress,
The focal point of achievement, is reduced
To insignificance, to a negligent, deplorable,
Pitiable level of... What?

Nothing.

Thursday 28 May 2015

To My First Friend in College

On the first day, creeping on the stairs
We met, I asked her which class she was
In, she told me we were to be classmates.

We sat, unsure of what to do, unsure of
What to say, taking comfort in each other's
Insecurity, making small talk, cracking bad
Jokes, laughing forcedly, averting our eyes,
Waiting for Time, the eternal middleman,
To urge the sands to flow quicker, so that
The designated phase of awkwardness
May pass sooner, so that we no longer
Have to attempt our flailing, flimsy tries
At so called normal social interaction.

I can see you are uncomfortable, I am too.
We get interrupted, beckoned, interrogated,
Walking into the classroom we separate,
You sit on the girl's side, I sit with the boys.
Class commences, empty words thrown
Nonchalantly by hollow teachers bereft
Of wisdom or passion distract me, their
Disillusionment spell works like a charm,
I leave that day, disgusted. Forgetting in
My cycle of hatred that I may have made
A friend. I go home, I break my leg, I don't
Come back to college for one more month,
And when I do, the sea of faces that greet
Me is one of strangers. I scour the class
For the one face I remember. But you
Are not present. Probably enjoying a nice
Cup of tea and an episode of anime. I sit,
Sighing, resigning myself to making new
Friends. It takes me months, many months
To find them, but in between I catch an
Occasional glimpse of you scurrying off
The moment the bell rings, entering class
Twenty minutes late, never uttering a word,
Phantom like. I glimpse you and always
Remember, for some reason, that you were
The first person I spoke to in this college.

A year passes. Our conversation on the
First day remains the highlight. Since
Then it has been polite hello's, cordial
Waves, and intermittent meaningless
Small talk. Nothing to write home about.
Another semester gone. Five months on
And we will be Masters. Suddenly Life
Looms before me, large, intimidating,
Merciless. The crowds turn against me,
I fight back hard. They pummel me,
I fight harder, looking desperately around
For friends and support. I find them, they
Never fail me. But amongst the sea of
Angry faces facing me, I see one that
Holds no wrath, no ill will, that seems
To view me, contrary to public opinion,
As almost human. It is you, my first
Friend. I gravitate naturally, in gratitude
And in solitude, and show my thanks by
Cracking a few bad jokes, pulling your
Leg. Testing the waters, so to speak.

The waters are fine. We begin to speak,
For the first time all over again, it seems.
I discover your quirky sense of humour,
It surprises me. I find out you like snakes,
You read manga, you watch anime, you
Read books. Wave after wave of respect
Washes on the shores of my mind that
The negligent Sands of Time hadn't
Bothered to bring to my notice. And
Always, your chirpy smile lingers, simple
And gracious words comfort me, solace
Comes easy in your wishes of blessed
Sundays and timely reminders that I
Should resume my reading. In the movie
Hall I see the childish delight when the
Superheroes save the world and I enjoy
The movie all the more, not because of
The movie itself, but because it gives
You such obvious glee, it becomes
Contagious. The basis of our new found
Friendship is explored thoroughly: food.

Cheese, meat and Mc Donalds. That
Simple equation to happiness is
Played out again and again, rising
To a crescendo of bliss in a magical
Meal with goat cheese and caramelised
Onions on a rectangular plate of chicken
Topped pizza. Followed up by a wild
Experimentation with mocktails and a
Case of mistaken gender at the mall,
A night of frolic and play comes to an
End all too soon with the realization
That I will never meet this first of all
Friends again. A hug goodbye and a
Parting joke. A corner turned, sight line
Lost. A bond severed for eternity.

I walk home alone, thanking any
Possibly existing deities for allowing
Me the pleasure of your company,
With some regrets that there wasn't
More of it, but more importantly, with
Only good memories in tow. And as
Your plane flies away today, I, atheist
Though I am, wish you a blessed life
And the simplicity of happiness.

Forever.

Wednesday 20 May 2015

Sisyphus Eternal


Positivity, happiness, love, these
Words you threw at me, expecting
Me to grab on to them and connect.
Expecting my instincts to take over,
Expecting my soul to grasp onto them
Instantly knowing, feeling, understanding
Their nature, knowing how to mould them,
How to use them, how to enjoy them,
How to extract the essence of each
And absorb it into my very being.

But how was my Soul to recognize them
When the only time they ever came into
Contact was the first time I met you?

These concepts are alien to me,
My metabolism rejects them. I have
Been moulded from a different clay.
Faith is mocked at, love is looked upon
With sympathetic, condescending eyes
As one would look upon a child who
Does not know better, who cannot be
Expected to know better. Happiness
Is an illusory dream fashioned by
Sadistic temptresses who wish to
Draw us lonely souls out into the
Desolation of the desert, lured by
Mirages of companionship, until
Stumbling, collapsing upon the harsh,
Overheated sands of reality, our throat,
Parched beyond recognition, finally
Finds Love... In the kiss of Death.

Upon these arid soils you wish me
To plant the seeds of happiness?
Will these sands not drain the seeds
Of their moistness even as they touch
The ground? Will all the lifeblood not
Be instantaneously drained, turning to
Vapour before it had a chance to affect
The infertility beneath it? Is destruction
Not always easier than construction?
Is this body capable of housing so pure
An entity as love? And is it worthy?

You made wings of feathers and wax
And you flew away to Paradise. You
Also, in naïve benevolence left me
Wax and feathers that I may also
Accompany you to Paradise. It was
A noble plan, one that only a heart
As pure as yours could fashion.
But your plan is colored by the gay
Perspectives of your own sphere
Of existence. There is a fatal flaw.
Those feathers and wax do make
Wings, and they do carry you, you of
Light Mind and Lighter Heart, quite
Effortlessly to Eden where the rivers
Of milk and honey await the chance
To adorn your perfect skin. But those
Selfsame feathers and that selfsame
Wax, have they the ability to carry the
Weight of a heart encumbered by woes
Uncountable, grievances unresolvable,
Insults not abreacted to, insecurities
Not smoothed over, paranoias not
Pacified, and anger that has been
Allowed to simmer for generations?
I doubt any wax yet fashioned by Man
Or angel possesses that strength.

And yet, Angel, on your command,
I don the wings and I set off on my
Sisyphean task, ever rising, only to
Fall again. Fighting Gravity, fighting
Reality, fighting the tidal waves of truth,
Fighting against my brains repeated
Admonitions for the crime of allowing
That unwelcome guest, Hope, into my
Soul. For in giving me those wings and
Giving me that wax, that is all you have
Given me. Hope. Not paradise. Just hope.

With every beat of the wing that takes
Me closer to the skies, the rush of
Wind seems to fan the flames of hope
Just that bit more, kindling to life just
That much more of my heart that had
Long since learnt to be dead, flooding
Veins that had long since grown into
Disuse with the vibrant, longing bursts
Of bloodflow again. Life was once again
Within me, within this corpse that had
Long since been dismissed as a relic,
As refuse, as waste left over from the
Turmoil of human existence. Life was
Returned to this corpse at long last.
But it was not a match. The wings
Felt heavier, the sun got warmer, the
Wax dripped quicker, each drop an
Image, capturing the entire spectrum
Of light within the confines of this drop
Sized cosmos. Each reflection of light
Seeming to mirror the fiery depths of
My soul which aided the melting of the
Wax even as the sun attacked it from
The outside. It stood no chance, it was
Outflanked. You cannot outmaneuver
Hatred with love. In a battlefield where
Only one participant is willing to shed
Blood, there can be only one victor.

It melted, I fell, my lesson was learnt,
In the harshest way possible. Now,
Sanity surely must prevail. Surely
I would not undertake the same task
Again? Did I not prove to myself its
Futility? Is not every indication to the
Contrary? Is this not pure rationality?

But there along with the melted wax
And the threadbare feathers, lies the
Image of you smiling, telling me you
Will wait for me, waiting always with
A smile. It is that smile that makes me
What I am. That smile that transcends
Reasoning. It is that very smile that makes me...

Sisyphus

Monday 11 May 2015

The Thief

I used to have an organ beating
In my chest, rhythmic repeating
The self same tunes for eternity
It resides now no longer with me

"Thief, where have you taken it?
Even love hath forsaken it.
Though the blood within it runs red
"The heart you stole, in truth, is dead"

The thief turned and tittered a laugh
And said, "Ere you write its epitaph,
Fool, study your own heart before
You abandon life forevermore."

And then, bewilderingly, she returned
The heart both Love and I had spurned
I looked, and found to my chagrin
A tiny flame concealed within

"Whence came this flame, thief, reply!
Justify yourself, or provide an alibi
What purpose serves this infernal light
Why disturb the calmness of my night?"

"Your night was calm and still the air
But your heart traversed it solitaire
I heard its lament and came to answer"
Thus Spake my Dionysian Dancer

"Leave," said I. "I will," said she
And left me to my complacency
"But ere you go, may I know thy name?"
"Fool," said she, "I am that flame."

Saturday 2 May 2015

The Laughing Angel and I

Lilting, laughing angel, it is so easy for you to smile
Rest your wings a moment, walk in my shoes for a while
Tell me then that the world is still a friendly place
Tell me then that man is still the embodiment of grace

Lilting, laughing angel, proponent of glee
Flutter back to heaven, your place is not with me
Fear may not be as scary to you from your lofty seat
Nor woe inescapable, nor inevitable defeat

Lilting, laughing angel, do you laugh at my concerns?
Do the fires of chaos in Heaven less fiercely burn?
Descend for once to my world and live it as I do
And tell me all that worries me does not worry you

Lilting, laughing angel, sweet melody for a voice
Show me another way, provide me with a choice
Show me I am irrational, let me the sunlight see
Show me just this, angel, and I’ll gladly follow thee